Feeling Judged and liking yourself

Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimised by Regina George?

– Mean Girls –

We are all judged on a daily basis and if we are being honest we are judging people too. Why do we do it? Is it to make ourselves feel better? To make someone else feel worse? Or has it just became a habit now? The best way to tackle this is to just not care what people think about you and to be nice all the time.

Sounds so easy doesn’t it.

I can feel when I am being judged, their burning eyes vibrate through my skin. Ooo how dramatic does that sound, I’ll be right back I’m just going to start writing my next thriller. Seriously though, it’s a horrible feeling.

Dude, I have feelings too. Can you just stop judging me?

I’ve always been pretty slim, I’m not going to say SKINNY because I hate that word and personally I don’t think that I am. But oh my, the amount of times I have been called SKINNY!!! I know it’s not always said meaning to be offensive, you can tell the difference. But many, many times, too many to count, have I been called SKINNY in the most judgemental of ways.

‘Do you even eat real food?’

‘Why do you go to the gym, you’re too skinny anyway!’

‘Mind you don’t snap lifting those heavy weights’

(Somebody actually said that to me once) Why is this acceptable?

Skinny is the opposite to Fat and I doubt these people who are calling me skinny would ever call someone fat.

I could go on and list lots of other ways I’ve felt judged, but I’m not going to, because the point of this blog post isn’t to make you feel sorry for me it’s actually just an open diary entry and a reminder to my self to STOP CARING!!

I need to stop caring what people I don’t know think about me.

I think I care so much because I want to be liked. The trouble is, I don’t think I am very likeable. Not because I am a horrible person, I actually think I am a really nice person (this is a rare moment of me giving myself a compliment) I care a lot about people. If someone is sad I will do what ever it takes to make them feel better.

I think I’m unlikable because I don’t really like myself all that much. (The being nice to myself didn’t last long did it)

I NEED to be nicer to myself! I say it all the time. The trouble is my self criticising ways have been going on for so long now that it’s become a deep embedded habit that I can’t shake. It’s not a habit I want to completely shake, because I do think a bit of self criticising keeps me wanting to be better but the constant bashing and comparing needs to stop.